Is Quin Snyder a Lizard Person? A Sports Conspiracy Theory You Have to Question

Lizard People. Shape-shifters. World Domination. The current course of the human race seems to be whirling into annihilation. Perhaps it is our own undoing but maybe, just maybe, there is a greater power at work as the lizard people are steering the ship straight towards doom and destruction. For those of you who are unaware of the lizards walking among us you can get a complete synopsis from Alex Abad-Santos’ 2015 piece titled, “Lizard people: the greatest political conspiracy ever created.” In short though, it is (conspiracy) theorized that among us live alien lifeforms resembling that of large lizards who can take the form of humans. For centuries they have been slowly shifting into the bodies of primarily the world’s elite in a covert mission to take over planet Earth. While I haven’t been fully indoctrinated into the Church of Clive Lewis, I have to wonder with the state that our species is in, is humanity really this depraved, or is it that the lizard people are becoming more emboldened in their cruelty as part of their plot to rule Earth? Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction and so might be the case of former Utah Jazz coach, Quin Snyder.

Part of the #1 ranked high school team in the country, point guard for the Duke Blue Devils, 3 Final Fours and a national championship appearance as a player, MBA and Juris Doctorate from Duke University, assistant coach to the hall of famer Coach K: Quin Snyder was not just destined but designed to be a winner. His intellect, experience, and pedigree opened the door for him to become the head coach at the University of Missouri in 1999. For readers who don’t know the name Norm Stewart, you don’t understand the honor and pressure that was the baton that Snyder was being passed as he took the helm of the Tigers. Stewart brought Mizzou 8 Big Eight championships, 16 NCAA tournament births, 5 Sweet 16s, and 2 runs to the Elite Eight–their best finishes in program history. Snyder wasn’t just being handed the keys, he was being handed the crown that Norm Stewart jumped off the bench with for over 30 years and 600 wins. There was little to no hesitancy in hiring this unproven lawyer/coach from Duke though. On January 22, 2000, Snyder’s Tigers rolled the #7 Kansas Jayhawks in the infamous Boarder War game after having already knocked of #15 Illinois on the road, confirming that the ever-so-sweaty Snyder was ready to build his own legacy and that the Tigers were poised for a journey to the promise land.

It’s always at the high point of a story where that feeling in your little tummy shifts from happy butterflies to pending dread. Everything seems just right for the protagonist, except that you realize you’re only halfway through the book or there is still another hour left in the movie so you know that the hammer is about to drop. The Tigers would bow out of the 2000 NCAA tournament in the first round and while there would be a little magic that would come from the 2002 squad that saw Mizzou as a 12-seed make a run to the Elite Eight, the fizzling rendered itself complete soon after and Snyder would resign partway through the 2005-2006 season after a 3-7 start to Big XII conference play. But this isn’t a story about a coach with great promise dwindling away into obscurity, nor is it the story about his phoenix-like rise from the dredges of the NBA D-League to the Russian Professional Basketball League and eventually to coaching the NBA All-Star Game as the head coach of the league best Utah Jazz. It could be either of those stories, but those stories are better left to the sheep who are content to ignore the things that go bump in the night like the Alien’s at Roswell, Elvis and Bigfoot cryogenically frozen in a secret government bunker, or that of the reptilian elite. This is about the stories of Quin Snyder during his time at Missouri. The ones that are unsettling, perhaps even disturbing, and yet completely hidden aside from a not so deep dive into the world of Reddit.

Former NBA Coach George Karl is supplanted in infamy for many things: his twitter feuds with former players and coaches, his tell-all (true?) memoir that is now available on Amazon for $1.72, and being on the losing end of an 8-seed upsetting a 1-seed in the playoffs. He is also a winner and a hall of famer with over 1,000 career wins. To a certain generation of NBA fans he’s best known as the coach of prime Melo. While Carmelo Anthony and Karl put the oft forgotten Denver Nuggets on the map for the first time since Dikembe Mutombo was waving his finger at everyone, one forgotten player during the Melo years was his backup, Linas Kleiza. The 6’8″ Lithuanian was a product of the University of Missouri and Quin Snyder. He was a scorer. Kleiza dropped 41 against the Jazz in 2008, but his minutes waned and Karl explained that the Nuggets needed playmakers on the floor not just scorers. Now it’s not shocking that Karl and Kleiza had a rocky relationship, but with rare exception pro coaches and their players do not have the same bond that a college coach and his players do. Even in tumultuous years most college guys will still run through a wall for their coach because there’s a commitment much deeper than just a partnership. But if you jump on the Google-Machine and search “Quin Snyder Linas Kleiza” things take a disturbing turn. From reputable sources such as Reddit, mizzoufans.blogspot.com, Tigerdroppings.com, and other “truth” oriented forum sites where rumors flock like the salmon of Capistrano you’ll find the tales of a genius young coach caught sleeping with his stars’ girlfriend only to show up the next day with a black eye. The “story” reads that during his time at Mizzou, Quin Snyder did a whole lot more than just coach. While there’s no context or back story, Snyder allegedly slept with Linas Klieza’s girlfriend, got caught in the action, and brawled with his player. The next morning Snyder has a black eye and no other word of it is spoken. This story, coupled with the second most popular of a known cocaine dealer joining the team the flights for road trips during Snyder’s tenure fosters even wilder visions and certainly begs the question of what the real cause of his constant sweatiness was. While universities have become experts at cover-ups and protecting their own images they are also unafraid to vilify or even crucify anyone they feel they need to as part of that protection process. While we like to think that the truth will always come out, to borrow from Winston Churchill, there in lies the riddle wrapped up in a mystery inside an enigma, because how do we know what truth’s have never come out? Likely, many colleges and universities live atop a precarious position where it would only take one poke from the right person to cause it all to crumble down due to the lies, deceit, and cover-ups that have been allowed to happen there. If these Snyder rumors at the University of Missouri are true what else is true at other institutions? While that question quickly becomes a chase after a white rabbit, history has told us many things that are true, chief among them, people are cruel. They are cruel in what they do to others, cruel in what they say and write about each other, cruel in how they try to protect their own self image at the expense of others, and cruel because those who know of cruelty often ignore it.

If the Reddit rumors are true I hope it’s because Quin Snyder is a lizard person who got too invested in basketball and eventually succumbed to human delights, and that the reason there has been no investigation or pursuit of truth is because his reptilian elite brethren were able to keep it all wrapped up. If the rumors are true and he’s not a lizard, that means he is depraved and destroyed lives, only to stay protected by a university who made sure they were going to protect themselves even at the expense of victims. Perhaps though he is the victim, and all of the sick rumors were started by pathetic people who hide behind internet pseudonyms with no fear of ownership or recompense for their statements. Quin Snyder is at an interesting crossroads because only a few months ago claims were being made that he was going to be the head coach of the most storied franchise in the world, but now there is only silence as he waits in coaches purgatory for the next opportunity. Maybe during this quiet period the internet conspiracy theorists and will stay quiet for awhile too, or maybe, hopefully, it will give time for the truth to come out.

Author

  • Kyle Spencer

    Not a jack-of-all trades just a master of none. Former Assistant Coach for 2x Middle School Soccer Championship team. Coached a few other things along the journey, but focusing on leading my family well and mentoring students.

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