The PAC 12 just needs to stop

Just like many of us, my dad was an icon to me. Whenever I would get busted doing something dumb, I would enjoy a three hour lecture describing my lack of intelligence and forethought. The highlight of the lesson, though, was the story about the little boy and the hammer. Long, long ago there was a little boy that sneaked into his father’s workshop. The boy wanted to play with big boy tools, so he grabbed the biggest hammer that he could find and started hitting things with it. On one of the swings, the little boy accidently hit his thumb. It swelled up and throbbed with a intensity that instantly drew tears. Now, the little boy didn’t want to let a little boo-boo stop him- no, not this little boy. So, the little boy decided to do the only thing that made sense-hit the thumb again and again. So, the little boy just started whacking his thumb while he cried in pain. Finally, his father hears his cries of pain and rushes into the workshop, where he witnesses his son hitting himself with a hammer. The father quickly rushes over and relieves the little boy of the hammer. “What in the world are you doing? Are you an idiot? Why are you hitting yourself with a hammer?” The little boy responds, “Because it will feel better when I stop.”

In February, several groups got together to decide on changes to the CFP. The PAC 12 was one of three groups that voted against expansion and automatic bids. The PAC hasn’t put a team into the playoff in years. Let’s be honest, no one takes the PAC seriously in football. It has become an after thought. The only chance that the PAC have of getting a team into the playoffs is thanks to Lincoln Riley’s acceptance of the USC coaching position. Oh wait, the USC is bolting for the Big 10, so the league is hosed.

And the hits keep on a rollin’. It has been well documented that Oregon and Washington have also reached out to the Big 10 about joining and that the Big 12 has reached out to Oregon, Washington, Arizona, Arizona St., Utah, and Colorado about joining. While nothing has come to fruition so far, the PAC 12 could become the PAC 4. In comes a lifeline that could have salvaged a conference that has been around for over 100 years. The Big 12 was willing to talk merger. According to CBSsports, the PAC decide to allow the Big 12 to walk without a partnership. The Big 12 is not ruling out still poaching programs though.

But wait, there is the potential for a partnership with the ACC. The ACC that locked itself into a TV contract that runs to 2036 and has had rumor of losing its marquee programs. Let’s pretend that the ACC stays solid, which it will; there is no possible way that the PAC will avoid screwing this up. The group that said no to an automatic berth to a party it isn’t invited to attend, the group with no TV deal, the group that lost its most storied programs, the group that has members looking for new homes, the group that refused to partner with the group that was looking to steal those programs has no possible chance of doing this right.

I can’t help but think of how my dad would take the PAC 12 aside for one of his epic three hour lectures. I would love to have him explain to the commissioner how he is repeatedly hitting himself in the thumb with a hammer and how much better he will feel when he pulls his head out of his posterior and stops the masochism. Would the PAC 12 listen to my dad and get the message? No way. They haven’t yet and seem unlikely to learn any time soon.

We have all heard the joke about the woman trapped on top of her house during a flood. The joke goes that a jetski, a boat, and helicopter all try to rescue the woman, but she replies “God will save me”. When she drowns and goes to Heaven, she complains to God about the lack of rescue. God’s response is, “I sent a jetski, a boat, and a helicopter. What more could I do?” The PAC 12 is bordering on a level of stupidity that even God has to shake His head over and say, “What more could I do to save you?”


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